Product features
This is the Anal Bead Tug Of War Champion tee from Unethical Threads. It says exactly what you think it says. If you've ever wanted to announce a very specific, very niche championship victory to everyone at the grocery store, congratulations, here's your jersey.
Who actually wears this?
People who peaked in recreational activities you won't find on ESPN. Your friend who says the worst possible thing at dinner and somehow gets the biggest laugh.
Look, if you have to ask whether this shirt is for you, it probably isn't. But you're still reading, so let's not pretend.
Heavyweight cotton that feels like it costs more than your decisions
Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (champions come in all sizes)
Crew neck, because apparently you're classy like that
DTG print locks color into the fabric, not on top of it. Stays vivid wash after wash.
Pre-shrunk so it won't abandon you after one cycle
Is this actually a good gift?
Only if you really know the person. This isn't a "safe pick" gift. This is an "I've seen you at your worst and we're still friends" gift.
If you're buying it for a coworker, you either have the best friendship in the building or you're about to get a meeting with HR. Either way, they won't forget it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this shirt going to offend people?Some people, yes. The right people will think it's the funniest thing in the room. Know your audience.
What sizes does this come in?S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.
Will the print fade or crack after washing?No. DTG printing bonds ink directly into the fabric fibers. It holds up wash after wash.
Can I return it if someone gets upset?Check our return policy, but maybe just commit to the bit.
Is the cotton actually soft?Heavyweight cotton with a soft hand feel. This is not a gas station novelty shirt.
Who actually wears this?
People who peaked in recreational activities you won't find on ESPN. Your friend who says the worst possible thing at dinner and somehow gets the biggest laugh.
Look, if you have to ask whether this shirt is for you, it probably isn't. But you're still reading, so let's not pretend.
Heavyweight cotton that feels like it costs more than your decisions
Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (champions come in all sizes)
Crew neck, because apparently you're classy like that
DTG print locks color into the fabric, not on top of it. Stays vivid wash after wash.
Pre-shrunk so it won't abandon you after one cycle
Is this actually a good gift?
Only if you really know the person. This isn't a "safe pick" gift. This is an "I've seen you at your worst and we're still friends" gift.
If you're buying it for a coworker, you either have the best friendship in the building or you're about to get a meeting with HR. Either way, they won't forget it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this shirt going to offend people?Some people, yes. The right people will think it's the funniest thing in the room. Know your audience.
What sizes does this come in?S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.
Will the print fade or crack after washing?No. DTG printing bonds ink directly into the fabric fibers. It holds up wash after wash.
Can I return it if someone gets upset?Check our return policy, but maybe just commit to the bit.
Is the cotton actually soft?Heavyweight cotton with a soft hand feel. This is not a gas station novelty shirt.
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